Your Loving Secret
by mortenavida
Summary: [Minerva McGonagall as a student at Hogwarts] Minerva keeps receiving mysterious letters on Valentine's Day, but the biggest surprise is who they're from... and how often she'll keep receiving them after she finds out. [Unrequited femmeslash love]


Title: Your Loving Secret

Author: Jay

Rating: G

Length: 4920

Summary: Minerva McGonagall as a student at Hogwarts

Warnings: unrequited (homosexual) love

Author's note/Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the people in the books. They belong to J. K. Rowling and her publishers. This is for the LiveJournal community omniocular; the summary/prompt came from there. This is also for Gracie.

An additional note: Lexicon said nothing about Sprout's age, so I took writer's freedom with that. This fic was never archived on omniocular (as far as I know) due to the fact that it wasn't fully in tune with their specifications.

_Your Loving Secret_

The already uncomfortable wooden benches protested as the unnaturally large body of a third year took his seat at the long Gryffindor house table. The students around him cried out as they were unable to stay in their rightful places. One pressed into another until half of the line of students were piled into one another, complaints sounding over the chatter in the room at the morning ritual that happened for the past three years. The large boy apologized to the students on either side of him, a tint of rose creeping up his neck and into his ears. The apologies came on deaf ears and were returned instead with glares. Hands and feet kicked out, attempting to get back into their normal positions. It wasn't until Professor Merrythought would walk by, adding reinforcement below the bench, that the students could return to their normal meals.

This, Minerva Felina observed, happened more than enough times for everybody to learn. At least, she had hoped that everybody would learn from repeating the same thing everyday and at every meal. It wasn't Hagrid's fault that he was different or that as a third year he was nearly twice the size of a seventh year. Nor was it Hagrid's fault that half the Gryffindor dorm weren't smart enough to ask a professor to help with the weight _before_ he sat down. To Minerva, the three-year-old ritual was starting to get old. She had learned after the first time not to sit on the same side that Hagrid preferred. Instead, she sat across from him now.

"Sometimes I wonder if you do that on purpose." Todd McGonagall, a brown haired sixth year, rested his arms on the table and shook his fork at Hagrid. "Come on, you can admit it. We promise we won't tell!"

The rose colored tint darkened at the words and Hagrid hung his head over his empty plate. Minerva fixed Todd with a glare before giving him a small smack on the arm. "You ask that question every time we eat. You should _know_ by now what the answer is." She gave Hagrid a small smile. "I think it's useful that he is who he is. He doesn't have to worry about some Slytherin prat coming and trying to hurt him."

"That's because they're all afraid he'll sit on them," Michael, Todd's best friend, said from a few seats down. "God, I'd be afraid that he'd sit on me and I'm in his house!"

The table roared with laughter and Hagrid's embarrassment turned to a sheepish smile. Minerva shook her head at the laughing boys, grabbing a piece of bread so she could butter it. She would never understand boys or the stupid ways they make each other feel better. She was glad of it, though, as the students around Hagrid no longer looked uncomfortable. The Gryffindor table was loud again, as if nothing had happened to cause any disturbance among any of them.

"I hope the post comes soon." A second year, sitting a few seats away from Minerva, said to her friend. "Mum said she had something really pretty she was giving me. I hope it's the necklace she has in her chest. She promised me I could have it when I raised my grade and Professor Slughorn said that I was doing really well in his class!"

"Your mum just said that so you wouldn't fail," a boy across from her -a fourth year, if Minerva remembered correctly- said. "She was just using it as something to push you to do better."

"That's not true, Septimus, and you know it!"

Minerva shook her head, turning back to her breakfast just as a rustle overhead soon filled the hall with the rushing of wings. Students across the hall glanced up, looking for their owl in hopes that a package or two had arrived for them. Most were pleasantly surprised as small boxes began dropping in front of plates, delivering Valentine's Day gifts. At the Gryffindor table, nearly everyone received something. Minerva was pleased to find not one, but three different gifts in front of her. She recognized the two boxes and where they would come from, but there was a letter was another matter. She saw the handwriting on it and her heart skipped. It was the same as the year before.

"I love this holiday," Todd said from his spot next to her. "Easiest way to get candy without buying it."

"I hope they aren't getting anything in return from you," Minerva scolded him, forcing her eyes away from the letter. "I'd hate to have to hex them away from my boyfriend."

Todd laughed, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Of course not." He reached out a hand behind him, slapping Michael's arm as his friend gagged. "You're my one and only, Minerva."

She smiled, leaning in toward him. "That's good. Now I can tease you by opening my own gifts."

Todd gave her a look before going back to his food, shoving it into his mouth as fast as he could. Minerva paid him no mind, putting the box she knew was from him to the side. She would open his last just to make him feel better. She liked to tease him, but she still did all she could to make him happy. Even if that did mean opening his gift last so she could love it more than the others she had received. A few seats away, a girl squealed happily and started showing around a necklace she had received.

The first box, laced with red and gold ribbons, was as long as her arm and as wide as her hand. The note on top _read Happy Valentine's Day - Mum and Dad_, confirming that she knew who it was from. Her hands ripped through the paper, shredding it easily in her haste. Her father had been hinting at something special for a long while and she couldn't wait. The gift would be special either way, but she had a _feeling_ that this was the surprise.

"I know you're in Gryffindor, but I don't think I've ever seen you rip something up quite like that."

"Hush, Michael," Minerva said, her fingers sliding over the revealed box. "You're just upset you didn't get anything large to open."

"No, not quite." Michael held up a handful of parchment letters. "I just got asked by a few lovely witches if I would like to go out with them."

Minerva rolled her eyes, shoving her plate aside so she could set the box down in front of her. "I'll have you know that I don't need the letters of hopeless classmates. I've already got a nice bloke who- _Todd!_ Stop that!" She reached forward, swatting a piece of sausage out of her boyfriend's nose. "I was just about to compliment you!"

Todd gave his girlfriend a sheepish grin, causing Michael to hold onto his stomach in laughter. "Nice bloke indeed! It makes me wonder what else he shoves up his nose."

"Oh I'm sure you know what it is. You were the one that wanted to try with the Beans yesterday."

"Boys," Minerva muttered under her breath, turning back to her box as they argued.

She took a deep breath before pulling off the top of the brown cardboard, her heart hammering in her chest. White tissue paper covered the gift inside and Minerva tried not to growl in frustration. She just wanted to open the gift once, not three times. Todd's arm slid around her waist and he laughed at her frustration, reaching out to the tissue paper. Minerva gave him a small smile of thanks before looking back at the box. The object inside was rolled up tightly, kept together by a red and gold bow. Minerva's fingers tugged at a strand, watching as the ribbon untied itself and the object unrolled. Her eyes moved over the deep red fabric for a long moment before she squealed, turning to give Todd a hug.

"They got me the bag! They got me the bag!"

Todd laughed, pressing a kiss to her cheek before holding up the bag. "What is this now?"

Minerva gave Todd a look before taking the bag from him. "It's the new bag that expands to fit all of your school books inside. _And_ it has separate, spill proof compartments for the quills and ink, just in case. I saw this after Christmas, but my father told me that I had to wait. _Now_ I won't have to run back and forth to the dorm to get my other books! Honestly, you boys never think ahead."

"We never need to," Todd told her with a smile. "Why think ahead when we have women to do it for us?"

He received a well-placed whack on the arm for that, and Minerva ignored his put out look in favor of looking at the sealed parchment that arrived with the other boxes. Heart jumping to her throat, she turned it over in her hands before finally moving to open it. Todd's arm left her waist in order to grab more food and fight with Michael, but she never noticed. Her fingers were too busy unfolding the parchment, slightly wrinkled as if the sender had second thoughts of mailing it. It made her wonder all the more on who exactly had sent both this one and the one from the year before.

This was not the first year she received a letter such as this. On Valentine's Day the year before, she had gotten one as well. It was addressed to her, without a return name, and it spoke of things Minerva thought she would only hear from Todd. But, she knew the letter wasn't from Todd. She had hidden it in her trunk and, as far as she knew, it was still there. Taking a small breath, she opened it completely and started reading.

_My dearest Minerva,_

_You may not know who I am still, but I want you to know that I do still care for you. I care for you more than the sun cares of its rays or a mother cares for her child. I especially care for you more than Todd does. I wish I could tell you in person, but you would hate me if I did so and that is the last thing I want you to do. I just wanted you to know that you have someone out there that loves you more than anything the wizarding world will ever have to offer. I hope you have a happy Valentine's Day this year, even if it isn't with me._

_All my love and more,_

_Your Loving Secret_

Nearly ten minutes after Minerva first opened the letter, Todd's unopened gift still lay on the table next to her.

--

There was a certain level of peace Minerva appreciated when she came into the library. The overly large stacks of books gave her a comfort she could only remember feeling when she was at home, surrounded in her father's arms as a child. At Hogwarts, she had no father to run to when she was confused, so she turned to books. She hadn't expected to be alone for this long, but she used the time wisely. It would only be a matter of time before someone came to find her, asking why she had been in the library for more than half the day.

Her hands gripped the letter tightly, rereading it over and over until she had it memorized. She couldn't explain it, but there was something about the letter that made her want to figure out who sent it. She wanted to know who loved her this much and who would risk Todd's wrath upon seeing the letter, especially since he would try and track it back to the person who sent it. Minerva knew she could track the person as well, but she was afraid of who she would find. Besides, she had received the same type of letter the year before and something in her wanted to wait until the other person gathered enough courage to tell her in person.

"Minerva? I know you're a bookish girl, but you don't have to live in the library."

Minerva lifted her head and then smiled at who she saw. Curly brown hair, gentle brown eyes, and a Hufflepuff House badge. "Hullo, Pomona," she said, carefully folding away the letter. Pomona's eyes flickered to it once before moving in to take a seat. "What brings you into my corner?"

"Your corner?" Pomona laughed, shaking her head. "I didn't know that you had rented out the corner for yourself. Are you sure I'm allowed to be here?" The fourth year girl took out her Herbology notes, setting them on the table gently.

"Of course you're allowed to be here." Minerva laughed softly, settling the memorized parchment into her pocket. "What would I do without my favorite Hufflepuff around?" She accepted the small smile Pomona gave her and then the two girls started to study.

They had been friends since Pomona's second year and Minerva's fourth. During a rather rainy day, they had hidden under the same cover in Diagon Alley and while waiting for it to let up a little, they formed a bond together. Since then they've been as inseparable as two people from different houses could be. If you saw one, it was almost a given that the other would be somewhere near. Pomona had even been there when Minerva got a nasty injury from a bludger in her fifth year. It was the November before she received her first letter. Stuck in the hospital wing, Minerva could do nothing but wait and hope for their Herbology professor to gather the right herbs. Pomona, scared and worried for her friend, ran to the greenhouses to help and after that day, she grew more and more toward plants and what they could do.

"I want to be a Herbologist," she had told Minerva shortly after she was released. "That way, if you get injured again I can help." Since then, Pomona had been up to her elbows in dirt and plants.

Even now, nearly a year and a half after it all started, Minerva couldn't picture her friend unless her fingers were crusted in dirt and there was a stray leaf in her hair. It seemed wrong for Pomona to show up anywhere without smelling of fertilizer and a streak of it down some part of her body. Today there was a smudge across her forehead and how it got there, Minerva wasn't sure she wanted to know. Instead, she just pulled out a handkerchief and leaned across the table to wipe it away.

"How is it that you manage to smudge this stuff everywhere and never notice?" The Gryffindor sat back down, putting her handkerchief away. "Sometimes I wonder if you look into a mirror and just smear it wherever you see."

Pomona flushed, looking down at her hands before picking at the dirt under her nails. "I don't know how it gets there, but I know that when you're pulling Mandrakes out of their pots, things do get messy. Today just seemed a bit messier than before, that's all."

Minerva smiled, shaking her head. "It's okay, I wasn't judging you. Curiosity killed the cat, that's all."

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you into the restricted section without a signed note."

Both girls looked up at the passing librarian, a fifth-year Slytherin trailing close behind her. Their librarian was an old, graying woman with a stubborn streak. First years knew from the moment they got in their houses that nobody was allowed to make her angry. If they did, they would need to know the library like the back of their hand and pray they weren't going to need help. She did favor those who had high marks, but it wasn't any helpful. She just didn't get as mad when they were being loud. The sixth-year following behind her was tall, brown hair kept perfectly on his head, and looked as though he was just as stubborn. Minerva recognized him since he, like herself, was in the Slug Club as well as one of the 'Librarian Favorites.' Something about him just didn't sit right with her.

"It's just one book and I need a small passage out of it, that's all. It's for a paper in Professor Merrythought's class."

"Mr. Riddle, you know I can't do that." She paused, turning to look at the two girls with a raised eyebrow. "Are you girls doing all right?"

"Yes, ma'am," they both said, nodding.

"Good." She nodded and turned, leaving the area. "Get me a note, Mr. Riddle and I'll give you the book."

Tom Riddle looked over both the girls before following after the librarian. Minerva heard him asking her about a Basilisk and a book in the restriction section, but they were too far away for her to hear the rest. She frowned at the retreating back, a bad feeling running through her blood. There was always something about the younger Slytherin that managed to bring her to the edge of her seat, as if waiting for something to happen. Every professor loved him and let him do as he pleased in the classroom. Except, perhaps, for Professor Dumbledore. He was the only one who kept a close eye on him, not believing his outer kindness.

"I don't like him," Pomona whispered from her side of the table, turning her eyes back to Minerva. "He gives me the creeps."

"We should just be glad we don't have any classes with him," Minerva told her friend. "From what Michael's brother told me, he's a bit touched in the head and I can believe it."

Pomona nodded in agreement before turning back to her notes. "I feel sorry for Leonard." She shuffled the parchments once before glancing to Minerva's pocket. "Did you get another one?" she asked curiously.

"Another... oh! I did, actually." A blush stole over Minerva's face, the letter emerging between her fingers a moment later. "The handwriting is the same as the first one, but I still don't know who it is."

"Well, let's see it!" Pomona held out her hand, a gleeful smile on her face. When Minerva looked as though she didn't want to, the Hufflepuff rolled her eyes. "Minerva, I saw your first one. Come on, now."

The older girl handed the letter over, burying her nose in a book once her friends had a hold of the parchment. Even the memory of the words sent her heart fluttering up into her throat, her mind wondering who sent it. Was it the seventh year Ravenclaw she always saw watching her in the Great Hall? Or the sixth year from Slytherin that always managed to sit beside her in Potions? Or what about Michael? He would never tell Todd that he liked her, but Minerva had a suspicion about him. He teased her too much for it to be unnoticed.

"It's from a girl," Pomona said, interrupting her thoughts. "The way it's written and the handwriting is to elegant to be male."

"What?" Minerva let her book fall open on the desk. "A girl? Pomona, are you sure?"

"Come on, Minerva. You're a Gryffindor, you should have gotten this before I did." Pomona moved until she was sitting next to Minerva, the letter between them. "Look at the way your name is written, as if it were the most important detail on the page. The slant and curl of the letters screams out female."

"You're batty." Minerva shook her head, a laugh emerging from her body. "That is the craziest thing I've ever heard!" She missed the flash of hurt in her friend's eyes, too busy trying not to fall off of her chair. "I should track them down and tell her thanks, but no thanks. I'm taken."

Pomona shrugged, slowly moving back to her own chair. "Maybe she thinks that you'll notice her instead of Todd? She sounds close to you."

The entire situation still sounded like a bad muggle romance novel to Minerva. She wiped her eyes of the tears that had started from trying to keep her laughter in. "Pomona, Todd and I are engaged. We're getting married after we leave Hogwarts."

"Engaged?" Pomona slouched in her chair. "But... you're only a sixth year."

"My parents knew we were dating and they didn't want us to separate," Minerva said with a shrug. "I wish I knew who wrote these letters. It would be easier to talk to them and let whoever it is know that nothing can come of these silly letters."

"I see." Pomona bit her bottom lip, looking everywhere but at her friend. "I need to go. One of my dorm mates ... Herbology ... I just have to go."

Minerva's smile vanished, confused at Pomona's behavior. She had never seen her friend this flustered about something and that sent warning bells through her mind. "Are you all right?"

"I'm perfectly fine," Pomona said, a touch too quickly. "I just-"

"Don't lie to me, 'Mona. I've been your friend long enough to know when you lie." Minerva reached a hand forward. "What's wrong?" She saw Pomona's eyes flicker down to the letter before a small flush overtook her face. Understanding moved through Minerva's mind and she sighed, sitting back and letting her hand drop. "You know who sent it, then? I didn't mean to make fun of a friend."

"You didn't," Pomona told her, shouldering her bag. "But I do know who sent both of them."

Minerva offered a small smile, shifting forward in her seat. "Who?"

"I did."

Pomona didn't let Minerva respond to her statement. As soon as it left her lips, she had turned and left the stunned girl alone at the table. Minerva couldn't move from her spot, her mind thinking back on the past few years and seeing how things seemed to just make sense now. Pomona had always been around her, helping her with anything she needed. The girl had even broken past the House barriers and immersed herself within the Gryffindors, if only to get closer.

Still, Minerva found herself disgusted. Not only did a girl have a childish crush on her, but it was also her best friend. She had trusted Pomona with everything and with two words, she had torn it apart forever. _I did._ The words repeated themselves in her mind over and over until Minerva felt she would be sick. It was unnatural for a girl to love another girl. Maybe all Hufflepuffs were like that? She couldn't be sure and she needed time to think. Maybe, Minerva decided, after Pomona calmed down she would talk to her and they would laugh it off as a bad joke. Maybe.

The opening of the Chamber of Secrets kept both Pomona and Minerva from speaking to each other. The panic through the school was distraction enough from their torn relationship and the incrimination of Hagrid didn't help matters. The Gryffindors didn't believe Hagrid could harm a student, much less kill one, but the evidence was against him. He was expelled, his wand snapped, and sent home before the summer holidays hit. The rumor mill was on overload until the final exams passed, and then the excitement of going home distracted both teachers and students from what had happened.

Minerva's seventh year found her hiding within her books and the wedding plans sent by her mother. She wasn't as excited about her marriage as before, but nothing could be helped anymore. Todd hadn't noticed anything, having not liked Pomona in the first place, so he didn't comment on the fact that she was no longer around. It both bothered and didn't bother Minerva that he would do so, but she understood. She _had_ spent more time with Pomona than she had anyone else.

In February, she received her third letter. Though she knew who it was from, it was signed the same way as the other two were. The only difference was it centered on being an apology for any wrong doings. Despite what Minerva wanted her heart to do, it skipped a few beats in her chest. Pomona, a girl, had sent her this letter and yet she was affected by it more than she was affected by any of Todd's kisses. Minerva didn't understand, so she decided to ignore it. The letter was placed in the same area as the other two, taken out only when Minerva wanted to remember a time when she and Pomona were inseparable.

The wedding took place a month after they left Hogwarts. Todd and Minerva McGonagall moved in their own home soon after, decorating it to their liking and enjoying life together. While Todd quickly got a job at the Ministry in the curse division, Minerva decided to stay home and relax, only helping when her husband needed help with research on a particular curse that he couldn't figure out. The two of them were at peace with their life together, thoughts of children around the corner.

Every Valentine's Day, Minerva still received a letter signed by 'Your Loving Secret.' She never had the courage to tell Todd or throw any of the letters away. They sat in her old school trunk, carefully tucked behind old school books she didn't want to get rid of. Every time she and Todd had a fight, she would lock herself in the room and reread every one of them, Pomona's image fresh in her mind.

In 1956, Albus Dumbledore contacted Minerva about a job at Hogwarts. Feeling restless, she accepted and traveled to the school in time to see Tom Riddle leave. Not wanting to work with him, she asked Albus why he had been there. It was not the first time, Albus told her, that he had asked for the job and it was not the first time he was turned down for it. Minerva agreed that he was too dangerous, and then moved into her quarters.

Soon enough, the war started within the wizarding community. Todd was one of the first to sign up to help and he, along with nine other men, went to find the new threat and stop him before anything worse happened. Only one of the men came back alive; he died from his injuries less than twelve hours later. The war with Lord Voldemort had begun and the wizarding world started to fear everything surrounding the dark man.

Slytherin house soon became widely known for the house that produced the Dark Lord and, thus, parents started demanding that it be disbanded. Albus kept a firm holding on the school and told parents that it was a place of learning, not of discrimination. He lost over a hundred students and six professors with his statement. Instead of getting into a panic like Minerva had done, he calmly went through a list of people he could trust to teach his students. Three weeks before the term would begin, he had all but two positions filled: Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts. He called Minerva to his office to help him with the last few interviews.

The office was quiet, the gentle crack of the fire popping its warmth was the only sound in the room. Albus Dumbledore stood behind the Headmaster's desk, Minerva standing by a plush red chair next to him. Teaching here had been a dream come true for her, even if it did remind her too much of her childhood within the walls. Memories of things she should have done differently, things she should have left alone, and things she should have went after. The war, though, was always in the front of her mind and she had to focus on teaching her students all she could before she took a trip into her past to fix it.

"She should be arriving soon," came Albus' voice. It sounded tired, almost too tired, but he refused to acknowledge such a claim. "I hope she will accept the position, I have run out of other ideas."

"I'm sure she will," Minerva told him. She forced her voice to be optimistic, though she knew she had her doubts as well. "You never did tell me who you got to come in."

Albus just offered a smile, nodding to the door as it opened. Minerva turned and her heart skipped a beat, memories flooding her mind again. In the doorway stood an older, but still short, Pomona Sprout. Her heart constricted as their eyes met for what seemed like forever. Her knees felt weak and the words of every note she had ever received from the girl -no, woman- standing in front of her flashed through her mind. Minerva wasn't sure she could handle seeing her again.

"Minerva, I assume you know Pomona?" Albus moved around the desk, smiling at both of them. "She came for the Herbology interview."

"Yes," Minerva said, her voice barely a whisper. "I know her very well."

Albus nodded, the twinkle in his eye returning for the first time in days. "Good, we can start the interview. Pomona, why-"

"Sir?" Minerva stepped forward, interrupting Albus' words. "She's perfect." The smile on Pomona's face was blinding Minerva's eyes, but it warmed her heart more than any other smile was able to do. "She's completely perfect."


End file.
